Monthly Archives: March 2010

It’s monday afternoon- which has yet to go as planned. But, it’s Monday. The rest of the week is crazy busy, so I thought I’d share a little bit today. I’ve been studying the life of Samson (Judges 13-16) in preparation for my monday Bible class. Interesting. It struck me today that part of our challenge as believers, more particularly as church-folk, that sometimes we are more interested in protecting and preserving the institution of ‘church’ because of our personal feelings about the ‘church.’ In other words, we are more about preserving the status quo and less about discovering God’s agenda. Judges 14:4 indicates that God had a purpose, an agenda. My question is : how could Samson have missed so much? Certainly he was used by God- at least three times we are told the Spirit came upon him. We are told he ‘judged’ Israel for 20 years…but there is no indication that land had rest or that the Philistine oppression lessened during those 20 years. Though Samson killed many of the enemy, he did nothing to establish the reign of God among the people of God. Though in his death Samson made a strong statement about the sovereignty of Yahweh in light of the Philistine god, Dagon, there was no significant return to God on behalf of the people of Israel.
I guess all this comes around to the question- my generation showed so much promise for advancing the kingdom of God. Have we, like Samson, become so self-interested, so self-involved, that we have missed all that God wants to do?

Spent most of yesterday spiraling closer to the pit of depression and despair. Probably what kept me from going all the way was attending a memorial service for a young lady (she was about 6 months older than me) who died battling cancer. She and her husband were part of our church when we moved here. About two years after we came she and her husband moved to another church in our area…for legitimate and godly reasons- they weren’t mad, we just couldn’t offer some of what they needed….Anyway, listening to her friends share about her influence and her character kept me from wandering over the edge. Still, it was a difficult day. And it’s Sunday again…
I was reading in Zechariah this morning- Zech 12:10 God promises to “pour out … the Spirit of grace and suuplication….”
Today’s prayer- Lord, pour out Your Spirit of grace upon me, through me, and in me. Pour out Your Spirit of supplication that I might seek you, that I might lead those who gather here in Your name might seek You and be satisfied with nothing less than You. We are so easily satisfied with that which makes us ‘feel’ good. Let us only be satisfied today with You…even as Your Spirit burns away the dross, even as Your presence penetrates our hearts and minds revealing the sinfulness of our hearts, even as we celebrate the crucifixion may the pain Jesus suffered remind us of the grief our sinfulness causes You. But may we seek only to be satisfied with You- not just in thought but in reality!

If you’ve been reading my ramblings you know that the past few weeks have been interesting- to say the least. I am still living on the edge?- at the edge?- in the wall? – at the wall? Physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained. And here it is Sunday morning once again- and I need a fresh and encouraging touch from the Holy Spirit. So, here is a prayer for Sunday morning-

LORD,

In the midst of my confusion and uncertainty, You have promised to do a new thing (see Isaiah 43:19-following). I need You to do this new ‘thing’ in me. In my weakness, You provide strength. In my emptiness, You promise the fullness of Christ. In my confusion and uncertainty You provide the only unchanging truth.

So, as I stand with those who gather in Your Name for worship and study and fellowship and service today, start this new ‘thing,’ begin this new work…and let it begin in me that through me Your presence may be made clear.

Because of Your Mercy and Grace in Jesus I have confidence You have heard and You will provide!

Overslept this am. The time change  always kicks me in the …. I am more and more persuaded that we as a people of God are simply missing the mark in our attempts to reach and evangelize our community. We are comfortable and content with where we are…I am beginning to awaken from a spiritual dry spell. I want to see our people engaged in sharing the gospel in meanigful ways. I want to see families transformed. I want to see our church be a base for missions instead of a place for meeting (I think I read something similar to that on the Church at Brook Hills website…sorry if I stole it without attribution). I want my ministry to count for more than just pleasing people.

But then. Do I really want to pay the price…of being misunderstood, of being maligned, of being of no account? Pride is a constant and consistent enemy. Will I sacrifice my pride for the glory of Christ? Will I give up my rights so that Christ may be lifted up and draw those living in this community to Himself? Can I be the leader/pastor that this church needs in order to reach this community? I told my leadership team yesterday that if over the next few months as we redream and renew our vision if God leads them to the conclusion that I am not the pastor they need to lead them to the next phase of ministry, I am willing to move on. I am earnestly serious about this commitment. If I am the hindrance I want to be taken to another field of ministry. If I am not the hindrance, then, God…move mightily among us…in me, through me, and may Your Holy Spirit consume me in the process of revealing the life of Jesus (see 2 C0r 4).

Thats it for a Monday…

The home computer survived. It apparently was a bad usb port- but, there are several usb ports that survive! This week has been, well, interesting. I am so deeply embedded in so many community activities that I can lose myself between coming and going. I had intended to take this entire day off…but, pastoring has some interesting opportunities. For example: earlier this week, a family in our church learned that their 16 yr old grandchild died in a tragic accident in New York. The grandparents are devastated. So, I spent time with them…praying, listening, trying to be a person of peace and hope in their lives. Then, a 92 yr old charter member of our church called, wanted me to come share with one of her housemates (they live in an adult foster care facility…a home like setting for older adults who cannot live on their own) who is having heart problems. So, I spent an hour or so visiting with these two women…one a wonderful saint, the other, a confused, hurting woman who needs to know Christ’s presence in her life.

So…here I am in my study on Friday…trying to prepare for Sunday…as well as a mens’ breakfast tomorrow morning; our worship team rehearsal tomorrow as well; and a leadership team meeting on Sunday at which I am hoping to present a long-term strategy for adding a staff member this coming fall. So, lots to do. Little time in which to do it. Somewhere in all this I have several phone calls I must make; several pieces of mail I have to do something with; and the other misc stuff that tends to crop up. So…

I wish I had some awesome words of truth to share…I wish I had the gift of sharing some wit and wisdom. What I do have is a promise…that “He who promised is faithful” (Heb 10:23) and that I can push forward and that I can rely on God’s presence and power to enable me to be who He has created me to be…

So, From the Edge….walking in faith….

Steve

Turned on my home desktop computer this am. A nice electrical fire smell came from inside. Couldn’t get past the memory check screen. Think the memory socket may have fried. Oh well. Thank God for a laptop. I can take it between my study and my home. Cindy called this am- a fire at the middle school- minor, no damage somewhere in the attic area above her office…can you tell it’s Monday?

Cecil Sims spoke at our church this weekend. He is extremely gracious and helpful- as always. He and I have not always agreed, but his heart for the kingdom of God is as large as I’ve ever seen.

Still feeling overwhelmed by all the responsibilities and tasks I’ve undertaken. Don’t know if I’ll ever get past that. Interesting though occurred to me- I have an extensive ministry in the community. How do I equip our church to have an extensive ministry in our community? With all that is asked of a pastor/community volunteer/board member of multiple organizations/husband/father/son/brother/etc…. finding a balance of energy to focus on that which is truly essential- i.e. the 5% Wayne Cordeiro writes about in LEading On Empty.

Again, in Chambers, I read this today:When a man really sees himself as the Lord sees him, it is not the abominable sins of the flesh that shock him, but the awful nature of the pride of his own heart against Jesus Christ Chambers, O. (1993, c1935). My utmost for his highest : Selections for the year (March 8). Grand Rapids, MI: Discovery House Publishers. I truly need to allow the Holy Spirit to remind me of the awful nature of my heart that God might be free to transform my heart.

Well, it’s Monday…many other tasks to perform before Pastor’s Class…

From the edge…

Steve

I find it helpful that I’ve been reading My Utmost for His Highest this year. As I wander through this season of ‘burnout’- which may not be the best term, Chambers speaks to me- as though he has read my thoughts. Today- I read these words:

It takes Almighty grace to take the next step when there is no vision and no spectator—the next step in devotion, the next step in your study, in your reading, in your kitchen; the next step in your duty, when there is no vision from God, no enthusiasm and no spectator. It takes far more of the grace of God, far more conscious drawing upon God to take that step, than it does to preach the Gospel. Chambers, O. (1993, c1935). My utmost for his highest : Selections for the year (March 6). Grand Rapids, MI: Discovery House Publishers.

Yesterday afternoon I was able to take a walk on the beach at Bandon OR. Today I’ll be in meetings all day- till about 8:00pm tonight. But yesterday as I was walking I was asking God- so, why am I here (not as it why am I alive…but why am I in this season)? I was reminded of two previous periods in my life where I felt this unsettledness. Once when I was 18 and more recently within the past decade or so- can’t remember the exact year. The similarities are eerie. All three times I have been uneasy, uncertain, and unfocused. The best part of the memory- I survived! There is an exit to this season. Maybe that’s all I need to hear right now. I am also reminded that in each season God is faithful and God is greater than I can think or imagine. Those two truths are my anchor, my solid place to stand right now. To know that God is working, that God is sovereign, that God is not absent may be all I need.

One other thought. Our church has been working through 40 days of prayer preparing for Easter. The vs for today-

Dear friend, I hope all is well with you and that you are as healthy in body as you are strong in spirit. Tyndale House Publishers. (2004). Holy Bible : New Living Translation. “Text edition”–Spine. (2nd ed.) (3 Jn 2). Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House Publishers.

Strong in spirit- the NASB translates this “just as your soul prospers.” My prayer for you- that your soul may prosper- even during lean times! May God prosper our souls so richly and deeply that those around us take notice!

From the Edge…

Steve

“It is easier to serve God without a vision, easier to work for God without a call, because then you are not bothered by what God requires; common sense is your guide, veneered over with Christian sentiment. You will be more prosperous and successful, more leisure-hearted, if you never realize the call of God. But if once you receive a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God wants will always come like a goad; you will no longer be able to work for Him on the commonsense basis.” Chambers, Oswald: My Utmost for His Highest : Selections for the Year. Grand Rapids, MI : Discovery House Publishers, 1993, c1935, S. March 4

I read these words this morning. Last night, reading Wayne Cordeiro’s book, Leading on Empty (Minneapolis: Bethany House, 2009) he asked a similar question – What has God called you to do? What will he hold you accountable for at the end of your life? (p. 106).

I am in a season bordering on burnout. Last night in our weekly prayer time I shared some of what I’m experiencing- one of the dear old saints asked, Is this a dry season? Boy, is it ever. I’m sitting here this morning remembering my first inklings of a call from God. I was about 11 or 12. I remember asking my pastor what I needed to do to prepare for service. His answer was to look around me and see where I could begin serving right then and there. then at about age 15 I was asked to preach in a Youth Week Service (only really old Southern Baptists remember those events!) It was then that God began calling me to the ministry I am now serving in. When I was 18 I met Dave Baker- then a Student Minister at Missouri Western State College- now pastor at FBC Belton MO. He saw something of value in me and discipled me- helping me get my first ministry jobs.

I am thankful for those who saw more in me than I saw in myself. As I slog through this season- which will end…which does have an exit- anything God brings us to He brings us through (my bad paraphrase of my life verse- Phil 1:6).

May God renew the fire of that initial vision of ministry in my heart. May God renew that passion in the hearts of all my fellow church leaders. May God ignite that passion in the hearts of those who sit under our teaching week after week. MAy God light a fire of renewal and revival that makes these dry seasons all the more valuable!

Somedays I think I have add or adhd or some other combination of letters that suggest I’m a little unbalanced. I tend to be all over the map in any given day. Concentrating on one task, finishing one project seems beyond my ability-so I jump from task to task….

I’ve been reading Marlynne Robinson’s novel, Gilead. Wow. What a read. As I read I’m struck by how little my children (who are both grown adults)know about my life, about my inner struggles and my spiritual life. But then…how much do I share with anyone? When I read survey’s that indicate pastor’s have few if any close friends, I am one of the majority. I have friends. I just don’t have many really close friends. Except this blog. I am also wondering if I should ask my parents- or better, how I should ask my parents to write out their life story so my children can come to know them.

I am also (I warned you…I’m all over the map today) seriously thinking about worship- primarily the role and practice of what we as Baptists do on Sunday morning at 11:00am (Baptist Standard Time for those of you from other backgrounds). If worship is truly our best opportunity to connect with the unchurched, then what we do during worship ought to be the clearest and best demonstration of God’s work at reconciling the world to Himself in Christ. Sometimes (and I know I’m not the first) we seem to be better about worshiping our tradition, worshiping our preferences and worshiping our own comfortable ‘secret’ lives than we are about worshiping God who in Christ has reconciled the world to Himself.

One last leap…if only I managed my time better…what would happen if pastor’s- this one in particular- really tried to organize a schedule around the priorities mentioned in Acts 6? The ministry of prayer and the Word…but would anyone listen if I wasn’t out hustling to get people in the building? Some may remember the old CPA (Church PAstoral Assistance- yes, I am that old). So many visits had to be made in a week – a certain percentage had to be specifically evangelistic…according to a formula someone had worked out…. In among the visits were message preparation, family time, just plain down time (i.e. the sabbath); personal growth time…and church administration, developing leaders, and on and on the list went.

Well, back to the other side of my desk—I have several other projects I need to get to today…on the other hand…there is that website I wanted to visit….

It was one of those Sunday’s. Nothing seemed to work. I was struggling to connect with God- much less lead others to connect. The music-let’s just say we’ve been more prepared and more effective at using music to assist in our worship. Preparing for messages and delivering messages- which used to be my greatest joy- is now a constant struggle and constant source of frustration. This week I’ve been wondering if I am missing something. Attendance is back up slighty of course, we were averaging 50 so any increase is welcome! I have a guest speaker coming in this weekend- to speak on stewardship (what is a better term?). Then, it’s gearing up for EASTER. My prayer is for double the # of attenders- so 100+ on Easter morning. I am truly trying to plan my preaching in advance…to give some of the folks in my church who are creative and artistic an opportunity to provide some visual aids for our worship.

In an article I’ve been reading from the 20th anniversary issue of FIRST THINGS, one author suggests that the church IS the narrative that holds the world together. In other words, from a more classical, liturgical view, the worship of the church- telling the story of Christ’s death, burial, resurrection, and ascension, is the glue that connects meaning to life. As a free church pastor- a church that doesn’t observe the Lord’s Supper every week- is there a way we can build into our weekly worship that story? How do we build that into our daily lives.

Yesterday I challenged my listeners (sorry, that message will not be available on the web…frustrating technical issues) to follow their heart in following Jesus. This morning as I was reading Numbers 14 I was reminded that Caleb was one who fully followed God. There is a sermon lurking there somewhere…but more importantly there is a pattern by which we can order our lives- our worship- our day to day life in the kingdom of God.

Well, I’ve rambled enough. It’s Monday…lots to do…

Steve